Frist Prost, Bitches!

Or, nevermind the fact that I’m the only one who posts here.

Here’s a collection of funny text I keep around for posterity.

from http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=55638&cid=5421221
note: “Stallan” should be “Stallman”

fact according to Stallan (Score:2)
by intermodal (534361) on Monday March 03, @01:08AM (#5422374) (http://slashdot.org/ | Last Journal: Wednesday February 19, @11:09AM)

In SOVIET RUSSIA, Josef Stalin misspells YUO!


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chmod a+x /bin/laden
rm -f /bin/laden

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find / -iname “base” -exec chown us {} \;

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a spoof on The Princess Bride, from slashdot
http://slashdot.org/articles/03/03/08/162218.shtml?tid=104&tid=106

Hello, my name is Ingo Molnar. You killed my father: prepare to die.

[ Reply to This ]

No no no! (Score:5, Funny)
by Anonymous Coward on Saturday March 08, @12:34PM (#5467529)

It’s:

My name is Ingo Molnar. You kill -9’d my parent process. Prepare to die()

[ Reply to This | Parent ]

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Sun and X86 (Score:3, Funny)
by Bame Flait (672982) on Tuesday May 20, @01:03PM (#5999469)
I’m eagerly awaiting their move into adult markets with XXX86 servers.
And Windows XXXP support!
Incidentally, Pr0stx0r fr1stx0r
Bitches

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http://slashdot.org/articles/03/12/17/2234252.shtml?tid=133&tid=186&tid=188&tid=97
Achtung! (Score:5, Funny)
by heironymouscoward (683461) on Wednesday December 17, @05:43PM (#7749055)
(Last Journal: Tuesday December 16, @04:42PM)

Das vebzite ist geslaschdottert, habben sie keine speigel, bitte?

Ja, un der blinkenlichtkonzept ist ubercool, duden! Ich vil ein blinkenlicht
fur meinen desktaupkomputer fur Kerstmis.

Oh jeez, I can’t keep the accent up. Anyone got a mirror?

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from: http://slashdot.org/articles/03/08/19/1748206.shtml?tid=109&tid=111&tid=126&tid=128&tid=187
Goodtimes Virus Alert! (Score:5, Funny)
by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday August 19, @02:21PM (#6735523)
NO MORE GOODTIMES!

There’s a new virus that will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator’s coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the tracking on your television and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD’s you try to play.

It will give your ex-girl or boyfriend your new phone number. It will mix Kool-aid into your fishtank. It will drink all your wine and leave its socks out on the coffee table when there’s company coming over. It will put a dead squirrel in the back pocket of your good pants and hide your car keys when you are late for work.

Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your girl or boyfriend behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your Discover card.

It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead; such is the power of Goodtimes. It reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.

It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can’t find it. It will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on your boss’s voice mail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

Goodtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up. It will make a batch of Methamphetamine in your bathtub and then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase gradeschoolers with your new snowblower.

Goodtimes will prompt your mother to call on Friday and Saturday nights for two months after you make a new girlfriend/boyfriend. It will place your wallet and keys on an obscure shelf in the basement. It will emulate your face and stare into the neighbor’s bathroom window.

Goodtimes has been linked to cancer in laboratory mice. 9 out of 10 dentists recommend Goodtimes.

Goodtimes will make your bloomers shrink two sizes, and it will make you gain 15 pounds. If this results in a wedgie, then Goodtimes will leave a nasty skid mark.
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fun facts from http://home.kc.rr.com/ripenc/misc.html

The sentence “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.” uses every letter in the alphabet. (Developed by Western Union to Test telex/twx communications)

In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

A duck’s quack doesn’t echo, and no one knows why.

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

Did you know that there are coffee flavored PEZ?

The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.

The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the “American Pie.” (Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades – King David; Clubs – Alexander the Great; Hearts Charlemagne; and Diamonds – Julius Caesar.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 =3D3D 12,345,678,987,654,321

Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down – hence the expression “to get fired.”

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn’t added until 5 years later.

The term “the whole 9 yards” came from WWII fighter pilots in the Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got “the whole 9 yards.”

Hershey’s Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it’s kissing the conveyor belt.

The phrase “rule of thumb” is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn’t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

An ostrich’s eye is bigger that it’s brain.

The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.

The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.

The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the “General Purpose” vehicle, G.P.

The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.

Cat’s urine glows under a black light.

The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.

Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.

No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl.

The first toilet ever seen on television was on “Leave It To Beaver”.

The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star Game.

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

The name Wendy was made up for the book “Peter Pan.”

In Cleveland, Ohio, it’s illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.

It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year’s supply of footballs.

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than new cars.

The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

It’s possible to lead a cow upstairs…but not downstairs.

Humans are the only primates that don’t have pigment in the palms of their hands.

Ten percent of the Russian government’s income comes from the sale of vodka.

On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year.

In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world’s nuclear weapons combined.

Reno, Nevada is west of Los Angeles, California.

Average age of top GM executives in 1994: 49.8 years. Average age of the Rolling Stones: 50.6.

Elephants can’t jump. Every other mammal can.

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

Five Jell-O flavors that flopped: celery, coffee, cola, apple, and chocolate.

Frist Prost, Bitches! is original content from Devolve.

Author: Charlie Herron

Denizen of Portland, Maine; tech jack; lover / hater / whatever; philosophical dabbler.http://twitter.com/realgeek